My Journey: The Move

Oct. 4th I packed up my car and I headed north. I have always wanted to be successful and I was at a dead end in my present life. I graduated high school when I was 17, I started college and got my Associates Degree in Business. My first job was at a KFC and I have been able to work my way up the corporate ladder and that I have always been proud of. Each job better with a better pay.

The 6months leading up to that day I felt lost with no one to turn to. This was the first time in my life where I didn't feel like I was making progress. If anything, I was beginning to settle for mediocrity and that is not me. I was beginning to be satisfied with being miserable. I had in my mind that things would get better or work themselves out. For any "go getta" in life, you know this is not the case.

I began to see why people never achieve their goals in life. I'm an emotional person and if I continued down that road, my emotions would have overcome me. Flash Forward I saw myself 45yrs old still in my mother's house. My only company the cat Goldie, just like a lil old lady. (I'm watching Flash Forward lol)

I don't want to be that person who had so much potential in life and let it slip away, I'm NOT going to be that person. A month later and things are looking up. I am progressing like I have been all my life. It feels good to be back on the right path. I don't know about anyone else but failure is not an option for me.

My Music: Song of the Day Khandi Dont Think Im Not

Why do people always think they are getting over when cheating? Most of the time if you are stepping out, its a pretty fair assumption that your mate is too. Some people step out because they're not satisfied in the bed, or just because they feel like they can get away with it. I believe that some truly forget that two can play that game is not just the title of a movie. I was going through my itunes library and I ran across Kandi's (former Xscape member, current Real Housewives of Atlanta cast member) Don't Think I'm Not.

My favorite part in the song:

When you're feeling good in somebody's spot, getting hot, don't stop Just don't think I'm not, cause I'm out getting mine

Something to think about next time you feel like cheating. Johnnie Taylor said it best, "Who's making love to your old lady, while you were out making love?"

Kandi-Don't Think I'm Not Uploaded by Landru69. -

Movie Title of My Life: Pursuit Of Happiness

Love and Success

Im pretty sure everyone wants to be happy in life, but what really makes one happy? We all have an idea of what would make us happy, but do we really know if that idea of happiness is true? I will go ahead and be honest, I am a helpless romantic. I believe in love at all cost. Why? I'm not sure I haven't had the best luck with love but i feel that love makes things better. As far as success, at 23 yrs old, I don't think I am doing to bad for myself. No I dont have what I want in life, but who does at my age? I don't want anything handed to me in life either. Success in life has to be he most fulfilling experience. With success comes money but what good is money? You can't buy love so money is no good without genuine love. I want someone who will love me now, struggle with me now, and gain success with me. This is my pursuit of happiness.

"I Miss You"

I remember the first day I meet her, she ran down the hall to my dorm room. 3yrs old, kinky twist in pig tales, big cheeks, and beautiful eyes. I didn't have to ask who she was, she looked like a little version of her mother. I couldn't help but love this child like my own, she was rambunctious, feisty, and a force to be reckoned with.

She always called me by my first name and that was fine with me. I remember the first time she called me momma like it was yesterday. I was in the kitchen preparing her lunch, she came in and said "momma, is it ready?" That melted my heart and from that day forward, she has called me momma. Me and her mother had been together about 7months at that time, and of her own free will began to call me momma. It made me feel good that she looked to me as someone who supported her and loved her.

I spoke to her this morning as she got ready to go to school. As our conversation was coming to an end, I was about to say "I love you, have a good day at school", but before I could she said, "Momma, I miss you". Those words were like therapy to me, the innocent love of a child. I always tell her I miss you, and she always says, I miss you too, but for her to initiates the I miss you made me feel her love miles away.

No I didn't lay down and make her, no I didn't carry her 9 months, no I didn't change her diaper and no I didn't potty train her but she still calls me momma....

My Music:Song Of The Day Heather Headley In My Mind

I was watching re-runs of The Game on BET. The Sabers were away at the championship game, Derwin was injured and couldn't attend. His girl Janay attended the game of course, she couldn't miss out on the glitz and glam of being a Sabers' girlfriend. Melanie and her boyfriend at the time were hosting a Sabers Game Day Party. Derwin was out shopping (on crutches) and Melanie ran out to get some more salsa for the party. They meet in the store for the first time since Melanie chopped her hair off. In the background played In My Mind softly as they talked. The very next scene Melanie is at Derwin's door he opens it and they began kissing passionately In My Mind is playing loud now as they make out.

In my mind, I'll always be his lady.

In my mind, I'll always be his girl.

Melanie and Derwin were both in relationship with other people. Im sure in those moments of that kiss, they felt like they still belonged right there in that place. It didn't take long though for reality to set in when Melanie's cellphone goes off the ringtone for her significant other. It made me think that there are alot of things in our minds but the reality of the situation is totally opposite. We can dream though can't we? Heather Headley - In My Mind (Official Music Video) - A funny movie is a click away

My Music: Bag Lady Erykah Badu - "Who wants that?"

"...bag lady, you gone miss your bus, You can't hurry up, Cause you got too much stuff. When they see you comin, They just take of runnin, From you, it's true, oh yes they do..."

Its such a good metaphor the baggage that women or men carry from one relationship to another. The bag lady with all her different types of baggage whether its garbage bag, baby bag, etc.

I was 14 when this song came out. I didn't know what the hell Erykah was sing about nor did I care back then, i just loved the song. It was catchy. 9yrs later and I know exactly what she was talking about. It had been a minute since I heard this song, and prior to now I still may not have gotten it.

I had a late night conversation with a friend.. me all boo hoo and teary eyed. She said "who wants that?" A few days later I heard Bag Lady by chance and it hit me like a ton of bricks.

"...One day all them bags gone get in your way, One day all them bags gone get in your way...SO PACK LIGHT"

Its hard to shake some of the things you feel or what you have been through in past relationships. I assume for some it takes more time to let go of the "bags". Im learning that instead of holding on, take what you need to do better in the next relationship and leave those bags behind.

My Music: Motivation T.I. - NO EXPLANATION NEEDED

Better get on yo job, tell'em, haters get on yo job, nigga (Motivation)

Nigga, get on yo job, tell'em, haters get on yo job, nigga (Motivation)

Haters better get on yo job, tell'em, haters get on yo job, nigga (It's motivation)

Sucka nigga, get on yo job, if ya, hatin' get on yo job, nigga

You can look me in my eyes, see I'm ready for whatever

Anythang don't kill me, make me better

I ain't dead nigga, you can take the fame and the chedda

And the game, and the deal, I'm still a go-getter

Take my freedom for the moment but it ain't fo-ever

I got the spirit of a god, heart of a dope dealer

I'm a king, seen hangin' with some cold killas

I ain't never back down or ran from no nigga

I ain't sat down yet, pimp, standin' gorilla

Even if I'ma all alone or standin' with four niggaz

Tell'em jump, pimpin' it don't get no realer

5'9" with the soul of a 6'4" nigga

I separated the fakes, paralized from the waist down

From the real stand up guys of the A-Town

Can't even look me in my eyes, put yo face down

I'm outta jail nigga, whachu gotta say now?

Motivation

Niggaz fakin' only gonna inspire (Motivation)

All yo hatin' is fuel to my fire (It's motivation)

Niggaz plottin' on the crown soft droppin' (It's motivation)

Hey but I ain't slowin' down and I ain't stoppin' (Motivation)

Now nigga don't stop my show (Motivation)

You ain't know I don't stop, I go (It's motivation)

Sucka niggaz can't make me suffer

Just make me stronger and make me tougher (It's motivation)

To be locked in a box niggaz happy to see

Put anybody on top, any rapper but T, I, P

But back to reality G, O.D. still carryin' me, nigga I run this

Spread yo rumours, kick all yo lil' dumb shit

Tell lies, laugh 'bout the time that I'm gon' get

If it make you feel better, picture me over and done with

Punk bitch, come with all the gossip you can come with

Small thang to a giant, I can overcome this

Jail, I don' done this, rap I'm just havin' fun with

I could be a local joker, never have one hit

Nigga, "New Finish" alone'll get me dumb rich

While these rappers sellin' records gettin' pennies

If Grand Hustle sell any, I'ma get plenty

If God with me, who could be against me sucka?

Can't make me suffer, just make me tougher

My Music: Song of the Day

When I was about 12 or 13 I went through a country music stage. Something about country music moves me. A lot of the songs tells a story that you can relate to and stir up emotions or feelings from your own personal experiences. My musical song of the day is Deana Carter's Strawberry Wine. First love and loosing your virginity and all... I can't say my first time was like strawberry wine but I was definitely 17.

I see colors.. ROYGBIV

Did I choose to be with her or is it genetics? Early on I would have said it was a choice, but now I cant be so sure. My brother likes boys, I like girls, same parents. That tells me that there is more to it than a choice that I made. I was 19 when I was first with a female but I remember glancing at females inappropriately since I was about 7. I never thought I was a Lesbian just though it was normal. I never thought I would go down that road but I'm open minded and a free spirit. I have a moto: I will try almost anything once, if I like it I continue to do it, if not then I can always stop. I have lived by that my entire life and it hasn't done me wrong so far. With that being said, it was no big deal for me to turn to a woman, it only took alot of alcohol for the night. I never regretted my decision and I cant see myself without women. I prefer being with a woman sexually because it's enlightening and passionate. I love the way she explores my body, and I love to explore her body. I love to feel her body against mine, the many ways to please, the hours of passion. There is nothing that matches this feeling and its one I'm not willing to give up. Men have nothing to do with my decision. People like to say, "what, men were not treating you right?". Let me clear up that ridiculous excuse for being a lesbian. If that is the case I wouldn't be a lesbian or straight I'd be celibate. Trust, love, and commitment are 3 words that are universal in relationships, period. So whether its heterosexual or homosexual relations you are having, those 3 words are important, they either make or break the relationship.