NATURAL: 12/22/2010

OMG! I've done it! I'm natural, no weave! For anyone who has known me since high school or college, they know this is BIG. I've always worn weave, I can only remember once in college wearing my own hair. This wasn't something I was thinking about doing either. I just took out my twist on day and was like fuck it! I'm done, all natural baby!

This is a big step and people don't realize how much courage it takes to wack it off and wear it natural. I had a few stares at work the 1st day and one lady just laughed in my face when she saw it. She said I looked weird. Funny thing is her track was showing, that should have looked weird to most but since her tracks are always showing, no one says anything.


I'm happy about my decision and I feel free this way!

My Life, no Rainbow

I'm back, without the rainbow! This blog became like the story of the dating game for me. That dating game has come to an end and thank goodness, I don't think I could take anymore! I've met my love and its a he not a SHE. Thats kinda funny to me, if no one else. I haven't dated a guy in over 5yrs. Honestly, they just don't do it for me. I guess you can blame it on any guy that has treated me less than the queen I am in the past but I don't think on it to much. It's just is what it is.

My tiny hand holds his tiny heart, his big hands holds my big heart

I never really thought I would be in love again. Don't get me wrong, I love love but honestly I never thought anyone would meet my complete standards of what a mate should be, what a real relationship should truly be about. Two people coming together to make each other better, sharing their lives and being honest and open with each other. I think I've found that in him and I'm happy. He just might be the one. :) 

Song Of The Day: David Guetta feat. Makeba If We Ever

I've been though it all in my love life and I'm sure I can't deal with anymore bullshit, my heart can only take some much. When I love, I give what is undoubtedly too much of myself, I love hard. I've made many terrible decisions and dealt with so much shit all in the name of "love". I'm scarred for life because of some of the experiences I've had, and vowed never to love again. I'm afraid of someone taking advantage of my open heart and destroying what has taken so long to heal. I can, now, go without dealing with pains from old wounds, and even though it still hurts, I'm better and stronger each day.

A few days ago I was given this song to listen to and I almost cried, (yeah, I'm very emotional like that) because the words touched me. Just when I thought I've heard the song to describe what I feel, something else comes along. The very 1st part of this song had my eyes full of tears.

I've been fragile for a long time
A big ol' hole inside my heart
And I was searching through the valley
Stumbled on love in the dark


Was afraid to try, but afraid to never know
What it feels like to be loved
Had a hill to climb
But the places we could go
Oh, I gotta know

I've found myself falling again, somehow. I kinda know how, but then again, I don't.  I'm afraid of love but I'm also afraid if I don't take a chance on what I'm feeling, I could loose out on something that could be wonderful. Anyway, enough of my #emo spill. Here's the song, listen, enjoy.

My Sunday Out!

Heading out!

I never get a day off, but last Sunday Belk's finally gave me a break, and I took advantage of it! I met with @dvynegoddess, @Sassy_Samantha, @BonifiedBond. I never get to do things like this and I had a great time, lunch @ Olive Garden and then to the mall to spend a few bucks. Anywho, here are a couple pics frm my day :-)

Me & Sam

Late Mother's Day

Mother’s Day was last Sunday, but I’m just getting back into the blog thing so I had to do a Mother’s Day post; if for no one else but myself.


I never gave birth to a child but I have my baby girl who I love and she calls me mommy. I’m no longer with her, 2 states away and Mother’s Day doesn’t mean what it use to for me. I did my usual Sunday activities of lazing around with the significance of the day lingering in the back of my mind. 11am and I still hadn’t heard from my baby girl but I wasn’t sweating it too much. I’m learning to expect very little from that situation these days. I stopped feeling semi sorry for myself and took myself out to dinner and did a lil’ shopping.

I went to Chill’s and had a great meal and a couple margaritas. I had the Cajun Penne Pasta on the menu, simply to die for! I love pasta hold the meat! I had a regular margarita the 1st time around but my 2nd one was the Blue Patron Margarita! Yummy to my tummy! I enjoyed myself and at 7pm headed home, still no word from baby girl.

Finally around 8pm I got that phone call from the little girl who lights up my life. So full of joy she said Happy Mother’s Day and the smile I had been waiting on all day was there. I talked to for her a little while and let her go to play. I love that little girl like my own and she will always have that special place in my heart.

My BabyGirl and her Mother

Song of the Day: Alicia Keys f. Drake I'm Ready

This song describes everything I am currently feeling. I have been jamming to the Alicia Key’s new cd, The Element of Freedom for a minute now and I have always loved this song. She was coming straight from the heart with this one, the lyrics are beautiful and she sings it with so much passion. Just recently this song has begun to mean something more to me.

After looking into it, comes to find out Drake wrote it. *Blankstare* Does he really have this much talent? Sure does seem like it. That song makes [you] feel like he looked into [your] heart and wrote what he saw, not to mention A.Key’s sings it like she’s singing from [your] heart as well.

I was wondering maybe

Could I make you my baby

If we do the unthinkable would it make us look crazy

Or would it be so beautiful….

This is my personal favorite part of the song. I’m stuck right there and I want to know the answer. I think I know, but I want to be sure. I’m not one for being in love with love, I’ve seen it, think I have lived it a couple times, but I don’t plan on living it anymore. I want something real and true for a change.


Statuses are going up everywhere; lovers are quoting the song with one simple line. Every lovers question maybe different, but …the answer seems to be the same.... “If you ask me I’m Ready”

Breaking the Silence

Every time I sit down and try to blog, my mind draws a blank. I have so many things to say, yet I can’t put them into words. So many things have changed; so many things are continuing to change. I look in the mirror and smile more these days for several different reasons. I hope this is a good thing, but why you say? I know it sounds like that should be great but right now, I’m not so sure.

I have a story to tell also, but I haven’t reached my goal quite yet, so until then I will keep it to myself. Look for it though because I’m close to reaching my goal and that for sure is something to be happy about.

I guess I’m here to break my silence but not saying much of anything….

To be continued….

Me

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Quote of the Day

"Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it is better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.”
Stacey Starr Mwongozi

...something has happened.

To be continued

Me & My Blue Pacific Margarita Cheers!

Bottoms Up!

I Don't Like You

So what? Are you in elementary school or something?  Did someone say you had to? My purpose here is not for you or anyone to like me. Grow the fuck up. Tis All

MARCH 5TH, 1986

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

24yrs ago on this day Nadine gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, me! My first name was already set in stone, I was named Antoinette after my father, Anthony and my brother Antoine. My middle wasn't truely decided until after I was born, I was suppose to be Antoinette Deontae (brother Antoine Dion), Antoinette Kimberly ( that ish just dont flow right to me), and a few others that I cannot recall. One of my mother's nurses was name NeShay, and she liked it. So that's what she name me, Antoinette NeShay. Pretty name if I do say so myself but I am biased.

.....

It happened again this month. I'm upset with myself for giving in to my emotions about the situation but I did. Sometimes I feel like I can't control my emotions and they are controling me and what I do. Per the scopes, as a Pisces I'm either going to be very successful in life or end up in a mental institution. Absolutly no middle ground to stand on. I see the mental institution just ahead of me on the left and on my right is the road to success. If I don't control these emotions, my padded cell and straight jacket awaits me, for sure. #TisAll


Signed,
Emotional Basket Case

Happy St. Valentine's Day

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! All my love goes to my little one. Best Valentine, Always and Forever

Pretty Eyes

I have always heard, "you have pretty eyes", and while most people don't notice them, my lovers always do. I'm pretty sure when I say someone has pretty eyes, most of the time its the color but thats not what it is about my eyes. Even when I look in the mirror I can see what they are talking about but its hard to explain. What ever my mood is, you can see it in my eyes. They bare my soul and I have no control over it. Happy, sad, or mad, my eyes will tell the story.

Who Gone Check Me Boo?

I had a late night conversation with this stud that I have been talking to on and of for the last 3 or so months. It’s nothing serious just more of a friend with a possible interest. She is moving to Ga soon so what’s the point of starting something? She is bent on having some type of love affair with me. I have told her time and time again she is in love with being in love.

She wants to start meeting up with me after I get off work so we can chill. I told her that I have a passenger that rides so that’s not possible. Now get this, she asked me when was I planning on tell her best “I’m your daddy” voice. I burst out laughing at her; this was too hilarious to me. She said, “I don’t find anything funny young lady”.

Who gone check me boo? No one gasses my car but ME, I don't have to tell you shit. I’m trying to figure out who she has the relationship with that she is calling shots, because it’s not with me. This is what I mean by being in love with love. I assume she wish we had that type of relationship, and was very upset that I kept telling her I’m not starting anything with her because she is moving. She ended up getting upset and hanging up on me but who cares? Get real, love happens and is not forced. I get tired of hearing her moan and complain about being alone and wanting to be with someone past the dating period. I’m just the only person readily available at this point, I could be any chick, she don’t care she just want to be in love. *BARF* I don’t have time for this shit.
#OnToThaNext --->

Bipolar Disorder

Bipolar disorder involves periods of excitability (mania) alternating with periods of depression. The "mood swings" between mania and depression can be very abrupt.


Yep, I'm bipolar....

Daria Quote

"That road leads to happiness and personal satisfaction. Thats why they don't want you to take it." Daria

Urbandictionary.com's Definition of My Name

1) Antoinette - A person of impeccable taste, sophisticated yet not pretentious. Appreciates the finer things in life like art, theatre and giving people wet willies. Most likely the person you wish you were, but are to lazy to be. A lady with enough charisma and motivation to get things done that an army of simple men cannot manage to do.


2) Antoinette - She's stylish, gorgeous, sweet, kind, brilliant and powerful, basically gods gift from heaven. Everyone has respect for "Antoinette" Many envy, hate and are very jealous of a Antoinette. Antoinette's can be mean at times only to those who are disrespectful, mean, liars, ghetto and fake type people. If she's your friend she will have your back to the end. Antoinette is very picky and refuse to settle for less. They work very hard and will not let anyone stand in their way. They are very classy women who is somewhat a control freak but always get the job done. They play hard like men but always carry themselves like elegant classy ladies. You will do anything for a Antoinette!


Im not going to put my middle name out there but here is what it means... I Kid you not, this is Urbandictionary's definition - A sexy girl with a unique style and is very good with her tounge.

guy1: Omg, did you hear about _______? 

guy2: Yeah, she turned out that girl when she fucked her.

The Perry-Crowder Crew

Kaliyah,5    Sammy,8       Braylon,4

*Per Mother children's identity can be revealed (click here to read story)

Keep It Real Please..It's 2010 Part2

Sooo, I have been meaning to blog about the rest of this ridiculous post but it's such fuckery that I didn't have the energy. Now I'm ready to tell you that it didn't end there... Before reading if you have not read Part1 (click here) then go read it and come back.

Monday I got a txt from this chick, we will call her Random Chick2.

Random Chick2: So you not fucking with me no mo ma?
Me: I don't deal with liars
Random Chick2: I didn't lie but ok ma, I told you I got my ppl mixed up, my mind was on a million things
Me: Ok, so who could you have got Gucci Mane mixed up with?
Random Chick2: Young Dro, I didn't know who either of them were til I met them, even my brother had to tell me

Ok so imma stop here, wtf do you mean you didn't know them? GUCCI AND DRO? Stop playin! Not to mention she talked about how she loved Gucci the whole time I was with her. Now she bringing her family folks in it to vouch 4 the story as if i know her brother and he is credible! Liars do stupid shit like that... (back to the txt)

Me: Sooo, you almost meet Dro b4 he got locked up? And Gucci is the one you went to dinner with?
Random Chick2: Yes, last time i saw Dro was at his birthday party at pearl
Me: You gotta stop with the lies, I let you walk right into that shit, Dro haven't been locked up sweety....
Random Chick2: My brother told me he was, I wasn't with him when he got locked up, I just know I hadn't seen him and was askin where he was

By this time Im dying, this chick it fucking crazy...wtf? (back to txt)

Me: Sooo, you haven't seen him in a min, but you never met him remember? You ALMOST met him b4 he got locked up, so with Dro, did you meet him or did you almost meet him?
Random Chick2: I meet Dro and Gucci
Me: Ok, soooo since you met both Dro and Gucci, who did you get them mixed up with? Who did you almost meet b4 they got locked up?

Ok so i must stop again, by now im thinking this chick is going to give up. She gotta be telling me all these lies cause she think it will better her chances at hittin it I guess. Before I continue I just want to say this is all real, this is not lies, I had to show my co-worker the actual txt messages 4 her to believe me! (back to txt)

Random Chick2: Shawty Lo, I had been seeing him in that club, my baby momma knows him. She was going to let me meet him but he got locked up over that boi he shot

By now I am in fucking tears! I know she was on the computer google shit to make sure Shawty Lo had got locked up and shit... #iCant! So you are hanging out with the stars, pickin up tabs and ish but you can't buy me and you a meal? Girl stop with that fuckery! I told chick to NEVER contact me again..loose my damn #. I don't have time for simple minded people and their bullshit. Got to be more careful!

Song Of The Day: Daddy's Home Usher

I melt when I hear usher's seductive voice singing this song, he hit the nail dead on the head with this jam here. I mean who don't want to be sitting waiting anxiously for the one you love to come home and handle bizness...lol Im waiting for my daddy to come home... Where you at daddy?

My Journey: The Countdown Begins...

I am uber excited! In 23 days I will be signing the the lease to my very own apartment! If no one else is proud of me, I am proud of myself. I came to NC on a mission and things are working out for me perfectly.

I am employed with two jobs within a month of arriving here, 5 months and I am ready to move in my own crib. The feeling is great because at first I didn't know if things would go like I planned but over all things are great. I am very thankful for the help of Lorie, without her I would not be able to make this new start. Thank you Lorie!  

I am going to miss the little ones, Sammy, (8) has tried to kick me out with the constant question of when Im going home. Kaliyah, (5) constantly questions my actions and tells me what I need to do. I'm always asking "are you my momma?" LOL  Its cute though, she does it just like her momma does her. She is my little shadow, she looks at me like the other girl when her brothers are doing "boy things" and annoying her. Braylon, (4).... what can I say, I have been a victim of his scorpio stinger several times. He kicks me out, we can't have a decent convo without it ending with me possibly having pie in my face, and just when I am about to write his lil ass off he comes with the "Ms. Nette, I love you!"  Then I all "awwww" lol. *thanks God he is only 4* I'd be a sucker for that ish! Beware parents of 4yr old girls!

                                            *The Kids

Over all it's bittersweet :-/. Im gonna miss the PCR crew!

*These are not Lorie's kids, these are Micheal Jackson's kids as to protect the childrens identity

Friday, Feb 5th
Per Mother children's identity can be revealed (click her to view picture)

LGBT Scene: Club Envy

1st Night Out To A Club

More Pics to come.........

Keep It Real Please.. Its 2010

So last night I went to chill with this girl at her house. #FAIL 


I now know why I like older women. She was 25 but childish to me. She spent her time trying to impress with stories... but one in particular took the cake.


She told me that her home girl was cool with Gucci Mane, and she almost got a chance to meet him but he got locked up before she could. Hmmm now its not far stretched for her to have someone that knows Gucci Mane, after all she was in Atlanta. So, an hour or so later after she has forgot about that story I assume because she told me a contradiction one I guess to impress me with her so called "chedda".  She told me she went out to eat with Gucci Mane and she offered to pick up the tab and Gucci Mane was like "I like you, I'm the one with the money but you offering to pay". She told him " I got my own money man". 


So, I'm sitting here wondering, did you almost meet Gucci? Or did you meet him and pick up his tab?" I called her out on this fuckery haven't heard from her since.
Not to mention she don't have stacks on deck cause she couldn't afford a meal. She hadn't got paid yet. Now don't get me wrong, hell I understand that. Times are hard but when you putting on like you got it like that please be able to back that shit up.


Anyway thats how I spent my night yesterday... gotta be more careful.....
click her to read part2

Footprints In The Snow

What better day to start back blogging than on a snowy day like today!?!?! I'm just like a little kid, I woke up at 6:30am and looked outside and this is what I saw!

Being from Ga, we didn't get much snow and when we did, it rarely stuck. The last time I saw snow like this was March 1993. It snowed for my 7th birthday. I ended up taking the kids out to play for a little while, whats snow if you don't go play in it! After about 20mins I began to freeze so we made our way in. Now I'm hoping my job does not open so I won't have to get out in this :-/. Wish me luck!

Every had a day when you hated your life? Today is that day for me (this month)......

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2010 BABY!!!