Flashback: What If

I remember when it was actually real and I felt that something was there. I loved being with her, I loved the way she made me feel. It was built on lies and deceit but that didn't mean it wasn't real, to me at least.. It was suppose to be only a fuck but I felt so much more. I had a secret though, one that would (and did) ruin it before it truly got started. It was a betrayal but it happened prior to us being together so I didn't have any loyalty to her. That didn't matter though whatever we could possibly have had was ruined. She was everything I wanted in a stud though, and its hard to explain but it was there in her. I remember the first time being with her, Feb 13th 2008, 11pm on into the wee hours of the morning, (yes I remember the day and time)my first Valentines present for the day. I've spent my time trying to get back to those moments "in the beginning" with her but it just seems as if it's not going to happen for many different reason but my feelings for her are real. I don't love her but I do care. Will she always be my What If?