Pink Friday!!!!!!

When I first  heard of Nicki Minaj back in 2009, I was very skeptical of her talent. The claim to Barbie immediatly put me off. The very 1st song I heard her on was Gucc Mane's Five Star Chick, I found myself turning the radio up when her part came on, and I would get upset if I turned and her part had already past. Still, I wasn't ready to jump on her bandwagon just yet, the whole Barbie thing I still wasn't feeling. It wasn't even her claim to Barbie that was upsetting it was the throngs of girls (and guys) on my twitter page claim to Barbie Nation. Everybody wanted to be a damn Barbie!

Nicki kept being featured on everybody's tracks from Lil Wayne to Robin Thicke to Trey Songz. I began to realize that I really did like Nicki's music, she's like a lyrical beast. Then she came out with her own two songs and I was right there singing them word for word and I still was not ready to say I was a fan.

Pink Friday came out and I was excited to hear the album and when I did, I was hooked! This girl has mad skills and I'm no longer hiding in the background not giving her her props. On every track she is killing um with the lyrics! I love the way she does characters by changing her voice, this plays into her unique style and makes it great. I love Nicki Minaj, she is the truth!

As for this Lil' Kim and Nicki Minaj battle of the Barbie, Lil' Kim needs to give it up, her time has passed. As Nicki says in Roman's Revenge "If you ain't shitting then get off the pot". Lil Kim haven't put anything out in years, and she's to far gone to even attempt a comeback. Sorry Lil' Kim but WE DONT CARE!

*signed*

Nicki Minaj Fan

My Journey: Moving Back

I can't believe it has been almost a year! I remember when I first moved into my own aparment, how afraid I was of being lonely. This NEVER happend, I love having my apartment to myself, its quite a big space and I can walk around in the nude if and when I please! I now know that I don't need someone else with me to make me feel whole, actually, being alone can be theraputic. I learned so much about myself and what I can accomplish. I've even been playing around in the kitchen cooking, (this has to do more with the boyfriend, than me being on my own) and I'm pretty good at it.

In 30 days I will be leaving my little santuary.  I will be moving back in with the loving family that took me in as a stray 15 months ago. I may be moving back, but I'm moving back to move foward in life. Moving to NC was one of the greatest decisions I've made all my life. When I think about it, it may have been the ONLY smart thing I've done for myself. My future is bright and I'm ready.



My adopting family



12/31/10 I went to the nail shop to get my eyebrows waxed and I stopped by the barbershop and had them take the clippers to my hair! I decided to start growing it ALL over again. I didn't know how much I would like it at first but now, I'm loving it!

Does everyone cheat?

DISCLAIMER: THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU, GET OVER YOURSELF

I'd like to think two people can be together and fulfill each other's needs wholly without stepping out. Everyday I'm seeing that this is not the case. I watch the people around me, men and women, cheat on their mates and not even care. Men come in the store and flirt with me and my coworkers, try to get numbers, offer dates and come in the very next day with the wife and kids. Women searching for a man that will treat her right and not cheat, soon as he comes along, she's out cheating on him while he's being the good man that she wanted. Married couples both cheating and when shit hits the fan, there are tears, but why? You were both cheating? I really would like to think people can be faithful but when I see so much stuff like this it makes me wonder. Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of positive relationships that I see too, more so people closer to me. The only reason I don't doubt their relationships is because I can see so much of it. I feel if you have to cheat on someone, you just don't need to be with them, they are not what you really want. People are so selfish these days that they would rather hurt someone than be truthful with themselves and let go of whatever benefits they are holding onto in that relationship. 

So, if I see you walking down the street with your mate, I'm gonna assume someone is cheating. Maybe I'm the twisted one for believing this but it's not my fault, I blame you.

NATURAL: 12/22/2010

OMG! I've done it! I'm natural, no weave! For anyone who has known me since high school or college, they know this is BIG. I've always worn weave, I can only remember once in college wearing my own hair. This wasn't something I was thinking about doing either. I just took out my twist on day and was like fuck it! I'm done, all natural baby!

This is a big step and people don't realize how much courage it takes to wack it off and wear it natural. I had a few stares at work the 1st day and one lady just laughed in my face when she saw it. She said I looked weird. Funny thing is her track was showing, that should have looked weird to most but since her tracks are always showing, no one says anything.


I'm happy about my decision and I feel free this way!

My Life, no Rainbow

I'm back, without the rainbow! This blog became like the story of the dating game for me. That dating game has come to an end and thank goodness, I don't think I could take anymore! I've met my love and its a he not a SHE. Thats kinda funny to me, if no one else. I haven't dated a guy in over 5yrs. Honestly, they just don't do it for me. I guess you can blame it on any guy that has treated me less than the queen I am in the past but I don't think on it to much. It's just is what it is.

My tiny hand holds his tiny heart, his big hands holds my big heart

I never really thought I would be in love again. Don't get me wrong, I love love but honestly I never thought anyone would meet my complete standards of what a mate should be, what a real relationship should truly be about. Two people coming together to make each other better, sharing their lives and being honest and open with each other. I think I've found that in him and I'm happy. He just might be the one. :) 

Song Of The Day: David Guetta feat. Makeba If We Ever

I've been though it all in my love life and I'm sure I can't deal with anymore bullshit, my heart can only take some much. When I love, I give what is undoubtedly too much of myself, I love hard. I've made many terrible decisions and dealt with so much shit all in the name of "love". I'm scarred for life because of some of the experiences I've had, and vowed never to love again. I'm afraid of someone taking advantage of my open heart and destroying what has taken so long to heal. I can, now, go without dealing with pains from old wounds, and even though it still hurts, I'm better and stronger each day.

A few days ago I was given this song to listen to and I almost cried, (yeah, I'm very emotional like that) because the words touched me. Just when I thought I've heard the song to describe what I feel, something else comes along. The very 1st part of this song had my eyes full of tears.

I've been fragile for a long time
A big ol' hole inside my heart
And I was searching through the valley
Stumbled on love in the dark


Was afraid to try, but afraid to never know
What it feels like to be loved
Had a hill to climb
But the places we could go
Oh, I gotta know

I've found myself falling again, somehow. I kinda know how, but then again, I don't.  I'm afraid of love but I'm also afraid if I don't take a chance on what I'm feeling, I could loose out on something that could be wonderful. Anyway, enough of my #emo spill. Here's the song, listen, enjoy.

My Sunday Out!

Heading out!

I never get a day off, but last Sunday Belk's finally gave me a break, and I took advantage of it! I met with @dvynegoddess, @Sassy_Samantha, @BonifiedBond. I never get to do things like this and I had a great time, lunch @ Olive Garden and then to the mall to spend a few bucks. Anywho, here are a couple pics frm my day :-)

Me & Sam

Late Mother's Day

Mother’s Day was last Sunday, but I’m just getting back into the blog thing so I had to do a Mother’s Day post; if for no one else but myself.


I never gave birth to a child but I have my baby girl who I love and she calls me mommy. I’m no longer with her, 2 states away and Mother’s Day doesn’t mean what it use to for me. I did my usual Sunday activities of lazing around with the significance of the day lingering in the back of my mind. 11am and I still hadn’t heard from my baby girl but I wasn’t sweating it too much. I’m learning to expect very little from that situation these days. I stopped feeling semi sorry for myself and took myself out to dinner and did a lil’ shopping.

I went to Chill’s and had a great meal and a couple margaritas. I had the Cajun Penne Pasta on the menu, simply to die for! I love pasta hold the meat! I had a regular margarita the 1st time around but my 2nd one was the Blue Patron Margarita! Yummy to my tummy! I enjoyed myself and at 7pm headed home, still no word from baby girl.

Finally around 8pm I got that phone call from the little girl who lights up my life. So full of joy she said Happy Mother’s Day and the smile I had been waiting on all day was there. I talked to for her a little while and let her go to play. I love that little girl like my own and she will always have that special place in my heart.

My BabyGirl and her Mother

Song of the Day: Alicia Keys f. Drake I'm Ready

This song describes everything I am currently feeling. I have been jamming to the Alicia Key’s new cd, The Element of Freedom for a minute now and I have always loved this song. She was coming straight from the heart with this one, the lyrics are beautiful and she sings it with so much passion. Just recently this song has begun to mean something more to me.

After looking into it, comes to find out Drake wrote it. *Blankstare* Does he really have this much talent? Sure does seem like it. That song makes [you] feel like he looked into [your] heart and wrote what he saw, not to mention A.Key’s sings it like she’s singing from [your] heart as well.

I was wondering maybe

Could I make you my baby

If we do the unthinkable would it make us look crazy

Or would it be so beautiful….

This is my personal favorite part of the song. I’m stuck right there and I want to know the answer. I think I know, but I want to be sure. I’m not one for being in love with love, I’ve seen it, think I have lived it a couple times, but I don’t plan on living it anymore. I want something real and true for a change.


Statuses are going up everywhere; lovers are quoting the song with one simple line. Every lovers question maybe different, but …the answer seems to be the same.... “If you ask me I’m Ready”

Breaking the Silence

Every time I sit down and try to blog, my mind draws a blank. I have so many things to say, yet I can’t put them into words. So many things have changed; so many things are continuing to change. I look in the mirror and smile more these days for several different reasons. I hope this is a good thing, but why you say? I know it sounds like that should be great but right now, I’m not so sure.

I have a story to tell also, but I haven’t reached my goal quite yet, so until then I will keep it to myself. Look for it though because I’m close to reaching my goal and that for sure is something to be happy about.

I guess I’m here to break my silence but not saying much of anything….

To be continued….

Me

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Quote of the Day

"Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it is better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.”
Stacey Starr Mwongozi

...something has happened.

To be continued

Me & My Blue Pacific Margarita Cheers!

Bottoms Up!

I Don't Like You

So what? Are you in elementary school or something?  Did someone say you had to? My purpose here is not for you or anyone to like me. Grow the fuck up. Tis All

MARCH 5TH, 1986

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

24yrs ago on this day Nadine gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, me! My first name was already set in stone, I was named Antoinette after my father, Anthony and my brother Antoine. My middle wasn't truely decided until after I was born, I was suppose to be Antoinette Deontae (brother Antoine Dion), Antoinette Kimberly ( that ish just dont flow right to me), and a few others that I cannot recall. One of my mother's nurses was name NeShay, and she liked it. So that's what she name me, Antoinette NeShay. Pretty name if I do say so myself but I am biased.

.....

It happened again this month. I'm upset with myself for giving in to my emotions about the situation but I did. Sometimes I feel like I can't control my emotions and they are controling me and what I do. Per the scopes, as a Pisces I'm either going to be very successful in life or end up in a mental institution. Absolutly no middle ground to stand on. I see the mental institution just ahead of me on the left and on my right is the road to success. If I don't control these emotions, my padded cell and straight jacket awaits me, for sure. #TisAll


Signed,
Emotional Basket Case

Happy St. Valentine's Day

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! All my love goes to my little one. Best Valentine, Always and Forever

Pretty Eyes

I have always heard, "you have pretty eyes", and while most people don't notice them, my lovers always do. I'm pretty sure when I say someone has pretty eyes, most of the time its the color but thats not what it is about my eyes. Even when I look in the mirror I can see what they are talking about but its hard to explain. What ever my mood is, you can see it in my eyes. They bare my soul and I have no control over it. Happy, sad, or mad, my eyes will tell the story.